I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
