i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
