So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize