There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
