oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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