The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
