im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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