We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
