I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize