You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
