So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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