I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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