Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
