a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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