I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
