Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There r osticjed everywhere
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
