Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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