I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have post one night stand depression
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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