I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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