Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
