Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
