that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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