It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
