Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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