he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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