God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
