Sponge bath it is.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
