So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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