addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
