We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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