I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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