that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
