She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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