Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
