You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
