he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That accounts for only three of the penises
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
