I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
