Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
