I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
