So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize