I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
