I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize