There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
