Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize