i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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