I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
