After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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