honey bunches of taint.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
