i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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