my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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