guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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