Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
