We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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