She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
