Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
