She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize