GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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