I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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