i was born a porn star she said
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
