I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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