she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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