dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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