Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
