Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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