This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
