Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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