ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
