I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
