i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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