I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i drank out of a bidet.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
