oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
