yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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